Something Slim's (wasted) roommate said to me on Saturday night gave me a bad feeling that he might have seen some boudoir polaroids of me. (The pix in question are, naturally, exceedingly tasteful and artistic, but not intended for public viewing.)
"There's no way Greg could have seen those polaroids of me, right?" I asked Slim on our way home that night. "'Cause when I said I was unphotogenic he said he's seen some 'extremely flattering' pictures of me, in this really insinuating way."
"Nah, there's no way," said Slim. "Oh, wait. Yeah, of course! Last week he cleaned out my desk and organized all my papers, and they were definitely in there. He told me he categorized things as "financial" and "personal." I guess those went in the latter category."
(Also in indecent exposure news: my mother tells me that the Hastings-on-Hudson public library's panel discussion, "What the Heck is a Blog?" - for my participation in which she still owes me big, by the way - is now being aired ad nauseam on the local TV station.)
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Maybe you don't know how to achieve it or you haven't been instructed, but here's our Way to be at my party-hardy in Heaven. Nothing on earth is worth the loss of Heaven, girl, for our finite existence is over in the blink-of-an-eye; Jesus/our Mother are the only free antivirus, while we few are only the prophets in a world that’s whorizontally haywire. Death’s cool, however, if you’re on the RITE side: we'll have a BIG-ol, Wahoo!, kick-ass, party-hardy for eons and eons fulla anything and everything and more --- Now, having read this, you’re faced with a choice: return to God who made you, loves you like crazy, and wants you or return to your dead-end-world - no middle ground on the Last Day. WAIT! BEFORE YOU CALL ME A NUTJOB… I have some pretty nifty, neet-o things we may do in Heaven! Besides being the most gorgeous thang God ever made, wanna nekk in Heaven on a park bench? Wanna lemme serve you for eons and eons? Wanna lemme feed you baklava and Starbucks (either mocha or Strawberries&cream frappuccino) and those teeny, canned oranges for the length of eternity? Wanna swim nude in the ocean as shallow as four feet and then take a shower? Wanna be one with me for SEVEN, WHOLE, MONTHS?? Wanna be an adorable 17 forever, me a dashing 21? Wanna love so deep and wide, passionate and warm the universe cannot hold our? Wanna lemme be a part of you till even Heaven crashes around us? Wanna lemme snuggle with you, to love you and gratify your wonderful, beautiful, adorable feet? Wanna lemme prove to you I love you more-than-you-know, from head2toe, bodyNsoul, to give you pleasure-beyond-measure? Meet me in Heaven, girly, and I'll do alla that and more for you for the length and breadth of eternity. How awesome it shall be to love you in person, to be with you, to hold you in my arms and give you a backrub in the Great Beyond; to kiss your adorable body and nuzzle with you, would make my eternity. God bless you.
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