Monday, May 12, 2008

On My Shelf

As we all know, The Petite Sophisticate is an intellectual. Her latest reading matter? A tome called Sex Appeal in Seven Days. Some body language expert wrote it, and it chronicles the sex appeal lessons of a fictional, unsexy sad-sack named "Sally." In the course of the seven chapters, Sally learns to stand, walk, flirt and work in a sexy fashion, sometimes with the aid of creepy role-playing sessions with some other therapist named Stan.

Sally periodically says things like, "Hold on. You're telling me to be more vulnerable to attract a man? I'm just not into that," to which the author invariably responds that she is in fact siezing power and control.

I couldn't wait to put the techniques into effect. The "greater hip sway" walk, which Maeve pronounced physically impossible, has been practiced all over Nassau Avenue. I think some bums looked at me appreciatively. I've also been making a point of taking up as little space as possible when seated on the subway, and when standing have been contorting my legs in a sexy/vulnerable/approachable manner that I've found is unsustainable through the course of a whole rock show. Also inhibited in speaking the Language of the Eyes by my glasses.

Successes: a new, limp handshake; placing my hand thumb-forward when it's on my waist; removing my glasses only with the thumb and forefinger, with the rest of the fingers splayed "delicately" in the air.

Can't tell if the techniques work on Slim as I suspect he has low standards in these matters. Await reports on further field studies.

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