Thurs child: far to go

I attempted to report a local nail salon yesterday for what I termed "EXTREMELY unsanitary conditions." This was out of character for a number of reasons; I'm in general a softy, lazy, and not really bothered by filth. You could also argue that she who is lured by a sign for a $15 Manicure/Pedicure gets what she deserves. Or maybe you think by "unsanitary conditions" I mean "man manicurist." Well, maybe those things are true. But it takes a lot to revolt me. Let me put it this way: imagine if I ran a nail salon (and keep in mind that there is, as I write, a frozen mouse affixed to a trap on my deck.) That bad.

So, I called 311. I was very impressed by their friendliness and efficiency, even if their job is just to pass the buck to other orgs - in this case, the State Licensing Board, which requested that I have a form mailed to my home which I would in turn file myself. I am really not that invested in ruining those people's crappy business; I'll just assume that other punters are smart enough to figure that a $15 mani/pedi is code for fungal infection. (No, I don't have one - I left before the pedicure component.)

Guess what? I joined the Greenpoint YMCA yesterday. Was rather bitter to find that the class schedule I'd looked at online was apparently out of date; "stretching" and "step aerobics" appear just once a week each. And "aquatics" seems to be explicitly for old people. (Which might work out, as my only bathing suit dates from 1954 and takes about a week to dry.) Have affixed the schedule, rather optimistically, to my refrigerator.

I have a bad habit of having ID pictures taken when I am sick. My Y ID is a particularly hideous example of the genre.

"My god!" cried the girl taking it when the photo appeared on the screen. "Your eyes are blood red!"

We retook it.

"Better?" I said hopefully.

There was a silence. "You can take it again," she said.

The third effort manages to make me both waxen and shiny, splotchy and pale; I am grinning grotesquely and my hair looks like a lion's mane. That was the keeper.