Friday, January 25, 2008

The Golden Touch

Slim is clearly suffering from a classic case of Brain Fever, a condition rarely seen outside of the 19th century, but frequently brought about by excessive thinking.

After going missing for three days, he surfaced to announce that he had discovered The Key to All Mythologies, a system of graphs and charts that would allow him to predict trends in markets with absolute accuracy. He also hadn't eaten or slept in 72 hours.

I started receiving incomprehensible texts like the following: "I'm attempting to find a favorable entry point to short the index (leverage!) There should be a short squeeze soon, although I may have ill-timed but a fraction of a percentage shouldn't matter one way or another."

Speaking in tongues such as these is a troubling sign.

The timing was unfortunate, as I was sick in bed during his absence and feeling very much in need of care. I have some pills I'm supposed to take if I freak out, but I'd never filled the two-year-old prescription, so I called GK4 in tears to see if he had anything. Although I think he had vague intentions of comforting me, instead he started prosing on about his therapist ('he thinks I need to actualize rather than self-actualize") and "Judy Garland: Live at Carnegie Hall" which is all he talks about these days.

"You really are the most unbelievable narcissist," I told him.

"I was trying to divert you!" he protested. "Well, no...that's a lie."

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