Do you know...

I took a long walk earlier, trying to knock myself out of my doldrums and wondering whether to start my fruitcakes tonight (I like this recipe.) I called my folks but I didn't like to worry them - they are concerned I'm always on the brink of getting very depressed, as I did when I was 23 - and then I came home and thought I'd try to write it out, instead, and when I logged on I saw such kindness here - it was like a bracing tonic.

You know, I have mixed feelings about negative feedback on the internet. On the one hand, I always marvel that people will expend the energy to try to get someone fired (!) over a fashion feature, but at the same time, the sort of work we do is for others' entertainment, and if we are not doing a good job of it, I do feel they are within their rights, provided they're courteous. I know I take things too hard, but I do think that's just some peoples' temperament, and it's a sad truth that not every temperament is calibrated to the new media!

There are several things to feel good about:
-The very handsome vintage stove the neighbors are getting rid of (also heartbreaking)
-The hooded fur jacket I found for Maeve
-The performance of 'Love For Three Oranges' I saw yesterday; also, good lunch at La Bonne Soupe with my mom beforehand; also, good pumpkin macaron from Bouchon Bakery.

I have to tell you: I am quite concerned about Christmas. I'm going to Los Angeles for M's parents' annual party in December and I'm terrified. I don't know what to wear (it's skirts and festive tops, that kind of thing) or what to bring as a hostess gift. I'll bring a small fruitcake (Dr. C likes them) plus some homemade candy (probably candied peel, fudge and buttercrunch) but I wish I could think of something slightly more personal and significant. I mean, I'm hardly going to put together a scrapbook, but in spirit I almost wish that was within my powers. My mother suggested I write them a story, which is quite possibly the worst idea I've ever heard.

As for gifts proper, I've commissioned three Bevin Strand Millinery turbans from Maeve (her real name), for M's mother and two sisters, and who wouldn't be delighted to get that? (They really are the most flattering shape imaginable and crocheted from the softest wools.) My mother directed me towards a website that lists a number of excellent products hand-made by monasteries and abbeys. There's a fruitcake that sounds good...so maybe (oddly) I'll give his dad two fruitcakes and we can compare and contrast. It's made by the sister abbey to the one, I think, where Thomas Merton was (?) and since Dr. C is a convert to Catholicism, this may appeal to him. On the other hand, it may not at all and I'll just seem strange, and now you just know GK4 Former Fiance's going to tell me Merton was somewhere completely different.